This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
