I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
