you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
