someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
