Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
