How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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