YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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