Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Mom said you looked used
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
