I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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