The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
