a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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