alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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