i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Everyone says I win the strip club
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
