I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
