I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
