Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
bring money and cleavage
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
