pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
