After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
