Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
