omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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