I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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