She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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