2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
