Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
