She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
