i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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