Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
