I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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