i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
