Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
