peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
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