And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
My ATM looks so different sober.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
