i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
