I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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