It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
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