How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
