Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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