I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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