The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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