Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
