i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
