we have officially lost it.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
