his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I am full of burrito and curiosity
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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