PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
