Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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