mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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