Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
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