but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
