the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
