Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
