She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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