I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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