I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
